I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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