I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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