just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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