Plan B is the new Plan A
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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