Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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