Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
