I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
