i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
