How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
