Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
