I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
