Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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