Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
