Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
