i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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