Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
