Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
