I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
