Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
