I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
