i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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