Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
