and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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