She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
