fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
