If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
