Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
