Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
