Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
