we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
