I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
