He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
