Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This couple is walking their pig around campus
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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