I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
