No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
