I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
