1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
