I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
