Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
