Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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