she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
