Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
