And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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