I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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