I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
