the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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