They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
