I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
