Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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