someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
