you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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