I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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